What is Stress?

Stress is a natural reaction that happens to everyone. Your body is designed to experience stress and react to it. When you experience changes or challenges (called stressors), your body produces physical and mental responses. That is stress.

Stress responses help your body adjust to new situations. Stress can be positive — keeping you alert, motivated and ready to avoid danger. For example, if you have an important test coming up, a stress response might help your body work harder and stay awake longer. But stress becomes a problem when stressors continue without relief or periods of relaxation.

Childhood Stress: A Negative Gainer

Stress in children can show in various physical, emotional, and behavioral ways, impacting their overall well-being and development. Some common signs include changes in sleep patterns, their eating habits, increased irritability, difficulty concentrating, and physical complaints like headaches or stomach pains.

Stress – Physical Symptoms:

• Sleep disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, waking up frequently, or sleeping excessively.
• Changes in appetite: Eating too much or too little.
• Physical complaints: Headaches, stomachaches, or other aches and pains.
• Other physical symptoms: Upset stomach, new or recurrent bedwetting, or changes in bowel movements.

Stress – Emotional and Behavioral Symptoms:

• Increased irritations: Short temper, anger, or crying.
• Difficulty concentrating: Trouble focusing in school or at home.
• Changes in behavior: Becoming clingier, more withdrawn, or showing signs of regression.
• Withdrawal from activities: Avoiding social interactions or hobbies.
• Emotional outbursts: Tantrums, crying spells, or other emotional reactions.
• Neglecting responsibilities: Difficulty with homework, forgetting obligations, or procrastinating.

Causes of Stress in Children:

• Academic pressure: Homework, tests, and performance evaluations.
• School changes: Starting a new school or transitioning to a new grade.
• Life events: Moving, loss of a loved one, or changes in family structure, Mother-Father Separation.
• Family issues: Conflict, abuse, or substance use problems in the family.
• Social pressures: Bullying in schools or societies, peer pressure, or difficulty making friends.

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Helping to cope with anxiety and stress in kids (Credits : Eudene Pediatric Associates)

Helping Children Cope with Stress:

• Provide a supportive and stable environment:

Create a safe and predictable home environment where children feel cared and supported.

• Encourage healthy habits:

Promote regular exercise, a balanced diet, and sufficient sleep.

• Help children identify and manage their emotions:

Teach children healthy coping mechanisms for dealing with stress, such as deep breathing, meditation, or exercise.

• Limit screen time and encourage physical activity:

Excessive screen time can contribute to stress, so it’s important to balance it with opportunities for physical activity.

• Connect with others:

Encourage children to spend time with friends and family and to seek support from trusted adults.

• Seek professional help if needed:

If stress is significantly impacting a child’s life, it’s important to seek help from a mental health professional.

Managing defiance

Generic note, children don’t have a lot of power or control in their lives. They are told when to eat, when to sleep, how to act, what is appropriate to wear, what is appropriate to say and what they should learn. The list goes on.. Children know how to get a reaction out of and manipulate their parents. And sometimes saying no is the only control they feel they have that day.

Sometimes there is a reason of their misbehavior, such as to gain attention or get something they want. Other times, they might just be on autopilot because they are exhausted and their brains simply aren’t able to regulate their emotions or actions anymore. They are exposed to different experiences throughout the day that parents might not even know about.

Their brains are not developed until they are about 25 years old, and they might just not know how to process the day’s experiences. Because of this, children’s ability to respond relationally differs from adults, and they tend to respond emotionally and impulsively.

As a parent, it can feel exhausting when your children act defiantly.

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Here are a some tips for managing children’s defiant behaviors:

• Set some expectations.
  Children thrive on routines and set expectations. Outline examples of behaviors you will and will not tolerate. When correcting children, tell them what you want them to do rather than what not to do. For example, instead of saying, “Stop chewing with your mouth open,” try saying, “Please chew with your mouth closed.”
• Act, don’t react.
  When children act defiant, the instinct to react is human. The expression of emotion also is human. Take a deep breath and calmly correct behavior. Don’t mirror their anger level. Maintain calm and set clear expectations. Maintain consistency. For example, don’t say yes to something just because you want the behavior to end. Rather, validate their emotion and  follow through with your set expectation. Remind yourself that your children are impressionable, and your words matter. They need to know it’s OK to express their emotions respectfully.
• Pick your battles.
  If their behavior is irritating but not dangerous or illegal, try to ignore it. The moment they do something positive, complement them. Sometimes children simply want a reaction, so try to react to the positive behaviors instead of the negative.
• Focus on two or three behaviors only.
  Children may feel overwhelmed or inadequate if you try to correct every concerning behavior. A focused approach will get better and quicker results in improved behaviors.

Coping with stress

While all stress cannot be eliminated, you can prevent excess stress from affecting your children’s lives by:

• Establishing and keeping routines
  With many simultaneous changes, children need to be able to count on something that’s going to be the same most of the time. That’s why routines are so important. If family wasn’t routine-orientated before, now is a good time to implement daily routines to provide structure and support. You could start a new bedtime habit or strive to have supper together a few nights a week to provide consistency at home for your children.
• Finding times to talk
  Children tend to have a difficult time starting a difficult or uncomfortable conversation. Find times to talk to your children when you are doing something together. This could include when you are making meals. Invite them to join you in the kitchen. Find time to sit at the table to eat together. If you are driving somewhere, that is also a good time. Children tend to share more when they do not have to look straight at you or feel pressured to talk about their feelings or experiences.
• Encouraging a return to previous activities
  During the pandemic, many children’s activities were delayed or canceled. After going a long time with little social contact, some kids have anxiety about returning to activities they previously enjoyed. Depending on your local health recommendations, encourage your children to try a new or previous favorite activity or sport again. If your children resist, set a timeline to reevaluate their feelings. For example, ask your children to try the activity for two weeks before making any final decision. It’s good for them, and most will find they enjoy it once they get going again.
• Allowing choices
  Children have few choices. Allow them to have some choices when appropriate. This might include what to eat for supper, what to watch on TV, what game to play and so on.
• Finding humor in daily life
  A good laugh doesn’t just lighten a mood, it also activates and relieves the body’s stress response. Find ways to laugh with your kids by watching comedies, reading comics or jokes, playing games, and helping each other find the humor in daily life.
• Playing as a family
  Get physically active with your kids and find ways to play as a family. Put on music and dance in the kitchen, go for a bike ride after dinner, or play games as a family. These activities can reduce how stress affects you and your children.
• Encouraging healthy diet and sleep habits
  Tired or hungry kids are rarely happy. Make sure that your children’s diet includes a mix of fruits and vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins to keep them full and focused. A lack of sleep can trigger overreaction or emotional outbursts, so follow a bedtime routine to make sure your children get enough sleep each night. Encourage good sleeping habits of shutting of the TV, turning off the phones and putting away electronics. Allow time to transition from the activity of the day to becoming ready for bed. The body naturally creates melatonin, but the body needs to know that it is nighttime. Try dimming the lights and having them do something that does not stimulate their mind. This could include reading a book, writing in a journal or doing something that does not have a light on it.
• Practicing deep breathing together
  Deep breathing is a great way to reduce stress levels. Help your children practice by taking deep breaths in for a count of five seconds, hold for two seconds and release to a count of five seconds. If your children feel anxious, try this simple exercise to unstick the mind from the worry setting.
• Enlisting help of children’s teachers
  With kids back in classrooms, take the opportunity to check in with their teachers. Ask how your children are doing, if they are making friends, or if the teacher is noticing any problems between your children and other students. Often, children won’t tell their parents about issues they have at school, as they may feel embarrassed. Sometimes parents are surprised to learn their children are being bullied at school. Teachers and school staff can be your eyes and ears when your children are not with you.
• Managing your mental health
  It’s hard to be an effective parent if you struggle with your mental health. Take steps to keep burnout and stress at bay in your life.

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