Self Criticism – A destruction Factor
Whether we agree or not, most of us fear to being judged by others. Hmm, of course, some people have learnt to brave it and mastered the art of good comebacks. However, do we feel equally threatened by our inner critics? The ones that cripple us by saying “We aren’t good enough”?
We’ve all been there. You’re going about your day, doing your jobs daily, and suddenly, out of nowhere, it creeps in. “You could have done better.” “Why did you say that?” “You’re not smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough.”
Does it Sound familiar? That voice is not of your friend. It’s not here to help you grow or improve.
And the worst part? We tend to listen to it way more than we should. So, how do we shut it up and reclaim our inner peace? To be able to do that, we must understand the root cause of the negative self-talk.
Why do we criticize ourselves
Negative self-talk can stem from various factors, including past experiences, learnt behaviors, low self-esteem, mental health conditions, and external influences such as societal standards or criticism from others.
- Past experience: Traumatic events or negative experiences from childhood or earlier in life can shape one’s self-perception and lead to negative criticism of oneself.
- Learned behaviors: If someone grew up in an environment where self-criticism was prevalent or if they were surrounded by individuals who engaged in negative self-talk, they may adopt similar patterns of thinking and behavior.
- Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may engage in negative self-talk as a way to confirm their beliefs about themselves. They might focus on their perceived flaws or mistakes and interpret events in a way that reinforces their negative self-view.
- Mental health conditions: Conditions such as depression, anxiety, or perfectionism can contribute to negative self-talk. These conditions may distort perceptions of oneself and lead to harsh self-judgment.
- External influences: Criticism from others, whether real or perceived, can fuel negative self-talk. Messages from society, media, or interpersonal relationships that emphasize unrealistic standards or expectations can also contribute to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
- Cognitive distortions: Certain thinking patterns, such as black-and-white thinking, over generalization, or catastrophing, can lead to negative criticism by distorting perceptions of oneself and the world.
How self-criticism impacts you
Self-criticism or negative self-talk does no good to your mind or body. Several mental health experts revealed that negative self-talk can contribute to stress, leading to sleep disturbances and an increased risk of cardiovascular problems.
Besides, it also-
- Undermines our confidence: Negative self-talk erodes our confidence, making us doubt our abilities and worth. It acts like a constant critic, highlighting our flaws and shortcomings while downplaying our strengths.
- Impairs decision-making: When we constantly scold ourselves internally, it clouds our judgement and impairs our decision-making abilities. We become hesitant, second-guessing every choice we make, fearing failure or ridicule.
- Limits potential: Negative self-talk creates mental barriers that limit our potential. It convinces us that we’re not good enough or capable enough to pursue our goals and dreams, holding us back from reaching our full potential.
- Affects relationships: Constant self-criticism can spill over into our interactions with others, leading to strained relationships. It makes us more sensitive to perceived slights or criticisms from others, causing conflicts and misunderstandings.
- Impacts physical health: The stress and anxiety induced by negative self-talk can take a toll on our physical health. It weakens the immune system, disrupts sleep patterns, and contributes to various health issues such as headaches, digestive problems, and even cardiovascular issues.
- Fosters perfectionism: Negative self-talk often stems from a desire for perfection. We set impossibly high standards for ourselves and berate ourselves when we inevitably fall short. This perfectionistic mindset creates a cycle of self-criticism and dissatisfaction.
- Hinders personal growth: Embracing a growth mindset is essential for personal growth and development, but negative self-talk stifles this mindset. Instead of seeing setbacks as opportunities for learning and growth, we view them as confirmation of our inadequacy, hindering our personal development.
How to deal with it?
Don’t think of it as a problem. It’s a habit that might take time to let go of but if you are persistent in following a few steps, you are good to go.
- Awareness is key: First off, awareness is key. You’ve got to catch your inner critic in the act. Therefore, notice the triggers. Maybe it’s when you’re trying something new or stepping out of your comfort zone.
Once you’ve caught it, it’s time to challenge those negative thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this criticism really true, or am I just being too hard on myself?” Spoiler alert: it’s usually the latter. We tend to magnify our flaws and downplay our strengths.
Keep a record of what sets off your inner critic. Consider the situation, what your inner critic tells you, how it affects you emotionally, and how you respond. After a few weeks, you’ll have a clear list of your triggers and a better understanding of how you handle them. This process may seem demanding, and your inner critic might try to discourage you from it.
- Creating distance: Do you know what is imposter syndrome? It is a behavioural phenomenon where a person has self-doubt about his intellect, skills, or accomplishments. This is also a result of negative self-talk or self-criticism.
- Look outside yourself: In your journey to overcome negative self-talk, support from professional coaches, partners, friends, and family is invaluable.
Seeking guidance from experts or turning to supportive individuals, literature, or podcasts can provide a much-needed confidence boost.
Additionally, research suggests that experiencing awe can disrupt our inner critic, as it connects us to a broader realm of emotions beyond our own concerns. Whether it’s a serene hike, enjoying live music, or witnessing loved ones pursuing their passions, cultivating moments of awe can shift our perspective positively.
- Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would to your 8-year-old self. Acknowledge that you’re only human, and you’re doing the best you can with what you have. Beating yourself up serves no purpose other than to make you feel angry and lousy about yourself.
- Change the way you talk to yourself: Replace those negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try saying, “I may struggle, but I’ll give it my best shot.” It may feel cheesy at first, but trust me, it works.
- Challenge your thoughts: Just because you think something doesn’t make it true. When your inner critic is constantly criticizing you, ask yourself, “Is this thought helpful? Is it based on facts, or is it just my insecurities talking?” More often than not, you’ll realize that it’s the latter.
So, let the fear of judgement take a backseat while you speed down the road of self-discovery and acceptance. Because when you embrace your truth unapologetically, you become the director of your own narrative