Wife asking for Divorce or Separation
You must not be the culprit, YOU ARE A VICTIM..!! As This is not hypothetical, but several historical court judgements data proves this all.
Whether it seems out of the blue or you felt it coming, it can be scary to hear your spouse say, “I want a divorce” or “I’m done.” If this is the situation you’re in, remember that it’s not over ’til it’s over. Even spouses who say they want to divorce may be somewhat ambivalent about that decision, meaning that there can be hope for a reconciliation.
Some Wives and their parents, POISONOUS Combo
Now a days, there is a sequence that is followed by wives, to some, this looks like a planned activity where the parents of the lady also take part. It goes like below:
- Wives start refusing to take part in caring the husband, matrimonial house
- Do not take part in any daily activity for home maintenance, financing
- If confronted by husband, they counter back with fights and threat to leave husbands house and shift to their parents home
- They leave the husbands home on and off, ask the husband to come and convince her and her parents on coming back to matrimonial house.
After some time, fights start again and this time, Its FINAL…
- Wives (as per reported cases over internet), threaten to sue the husband and his parents
- They do threaten on pet cases of Dowry, Harassment, Physical Assault and attempt to murder
- They register their stories with spicing flavors in Women’s Cell (CAW-Crime Against Women)
- They further hire lawyers who support them in pet sections of IPC
- IPC Section 498A becomes their savior, for cruelty, torture and dowry
- Wives files further case of invalid maintenance which is a hefty amount
- The 498 case then also sees an FIR registered against the husband and his parents for cruelty
Then this saga, goes on… and on.. for years.. and husband who wants to save the wedding, suffers, even but less than his kids, if kids are there…
The Calcutta High Court has recently held that a wife making false allegations against her husband & his family members under section 498A of the IPC would constitute an element of the offence of cruelty, which is a ground for dissolution of marriage under the Hindu Marriage Act (HMA).
Misuse Of Section 498 A in Today’s era and its Protection:
As per the report of NCRB (National Crime Record Bureau), 2020. The total number of cases registered under section 498 A were 1,11,549 out of these 5,520 were considered as false by police and 16,151 cases were closed due to mistake of false fact or law, Insufficient Evidence, Mistake or Civil dispute.
See more info (credits to Times Of India), it explains how fake cruelty cases ruin husbands:
What Not to Do If Your Spouse Wants a Divorce
“Although you may want the best opportunity to save your marriage, some people sabotage this by acting angry or vengeful. Often, these actions are a result of feeling discouraged, disregarded, or hopeless.
Here are some actions that can make it difficult to meet your goal of saving the marriage, making it important to work hard to avoid them:
- Acting out: Behaviors such as using drugs, alcohol, getting caught up in the bar scene, and flirting (or more) with others won’t help you work things out with your spouse in the long run.
- Begging: Pleading with, pursuing, or pressuring your spouse can have the opposite effect and turn them off.
- Buying: Buying gifts, flowers, and cards to make up for or apologize for your actions that prompted your spouse to want a divorce probably won’t resolve the real issues. You will not be successful at buying back love.
- Gossiping: Asking family or friends to encourage your spouse to stay with you may make things worse. Discussing personal matters with others may just upset your spouse.
- Idealizing: Refrain from pointing out all the good things about marriage or about you.
- Manipulating: Saying “I love you” or asking your spouse to read something on marriages, could come off as manipulative or pushy.
- Nagging: Avoid making excessive phone calls and sending lots of texts to your spouse, especially if this has not been your pattern, as it can make you seem desperate.
- Neediness: You may be overwhelmed with sadness and can only express this feeling toward your spouse, but do your best to not act needy toward them.
- Reminiscing: Do not try to get your spouse to look at your wedding pictures, talk about your early dating days, etc.
- Spying: Following them in your car, checking their emails, cell phone, bills, and so on can break rather than building trust in your relationship.
What to Do If Your Spouse Wants a Divorce
Try these proactive steps to repair your rift and encourage your partner to change their mind about divorce. Ultimately, the goal is not only to avoid divorce but to improve the health of your relationship.
- Act as though you will MOVEON with confidence. Commit to doing this regardless of whether or not your spouse decides to stay with you.
- Allow your spouse to come to you with questions or concerns. Let your partner know that you sincerely want to save the marriage, then be patient when discussing the topic. During your discussions, be a listener.
- Be your best self. This is not the time to fall apart, go into a rage, or get vengeful. Muster up the best attitude you can, putting your best self forward.
- Behave respectfully toward your spouse. In addition to being respectful with your spouse, have self respect as well.
- Don’t engage in arguments. Don’t take the bait if your spouse tries to get you to argue. You may even have to walk away. (If your spouse claims that you “always walk away,” state that you would be happy to stay and have a civil conversation, then do it.)
- Get help. Read self-help or self-improvement books or check a marriage counsellor. “Divorce Remedy” by Michelle Weiner-Davis may be a good book for your circumstances.
- Give your spouse some space. Don’t question them about their whereabouts or schedule. Instead, give them room.
- Keep busy. Continue your day-to-day activities, and maybe even add some new ones. Go out with friends, family, and your children. Visit a place of worship, try some hobby, or get some exercise. Continue living, despite what happens with your marriage. You may invite your spouse to join you, but don’t react negatively if they decline. Also, don’t change your intended plans.
- Keep up with your appearance. You may feel very down and bad about yourself, but ignoring basic hygiene can further impact your mental health.1
- Let your spouse see you as content. Your mood may be fluctuating, but find an outlet for difficult feelings that isn’t your spouse. Often, a therapist or counselor can provide some safe place for feelings.
Next Steps If Divorce Is On the Table
In addition to taking the proactive steps mentioned above, you might be wondering the best way to proceed or move forward. There are a few immediate steps to consider if you and your spouse have discussed getting a divorce.
- Try relationship therapy See if your spouse is open to going to couples counseling with you to identify and work on the issues in your relationship. Therapy, both as a couple and as individuals, could help you understand if there’s a way to move forward together and reconcile what’s causing a rift.
- Consult a lawyer: Even if you hope to reconcile, it may still be a good idea to speak to a lawyer to better understand what a divorce could mean for you from a legal perspective.
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